COLLEEN V2.txt

English (US)

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One of my big conversations about divorce was, how can I feel so sad when this is such a horrible thing? But it was the loss of the dream. The grief that came along with that divorce was really a grief about the loss of a dream. That dream that I would have never gotten married. And then here I brought this little baby into the middle of this craziness and actually court ordered.

My son hadn't seen his father since he was three. It was all on me. He gave me $50,000 of credit card debt because I was the one that had the job, you know, just all kinds of stuff. I started out really having to find my own strength. Let's be honest, most of us were taught to wait our turn to tone it down to save it for later.

Later, when the kids are grown, later when the timing's right, later when you finally stop caring what they think. Well, I'm done waiting. I'm Hannah Hembree Bell, Texas divorce lawyer, mom and woman who rebuilt her life from the wreckage. This is not saving it for later. The podcast guiding women through divorce and beyond.

All right, everybody, I am so excited for you to meet my friend Colleen Bowler. Like the hat or the people who throw the balls at the pins. Um, and it is going to be a great episode every season. I want to talk about money, honey, I think it's so important as women that we have the conversation about money. It's something that a lot of us have a lot of baggage and a lot of stories and a lot of history with.

And so I'm always on the lookout for women who can talk to us in a way that is practical and helpful, and also addresses it in the way that I think women do. And I think that is different than the way that men do a lot of the time. So Colleen was a natural choice. I met Colleen because she was my coach at Strategic Coach, which is this like business mindset thing that this man Dan Sullivan created, who is awesome.

He wrote books like, um, ten X is easier than two X and all kinds of other games. Yeah, yeah, yeah, a lot of principles that I think about often and running my business. And so I joined that group and went out, um, once a quarter for a year. And I was fortunate enough to meet Colleen that she was my coach and helped think through a lot of the concepts that I apply in my business of the law firm every day, and really just loved everything I learned about her story.

Because, y'all, what Colleen did is she built a top 1% financial planning firm, and I think maybe the biggest one to ever be, like, sold or something by a woman, some big kind of, um, in her cap situation. And the thing is, she did this, um, not because she inherited all this money, or she was born with a silver spoon in her mouth, or she was born as a superhero, which that one last one might be debatable, but because she was a single mom and had been through a divorce and was like, had this sort of moment of, uh, building really kind of from the bottom.

And I think a lot of people listening can really they may feel at the bottom, but look, Colleen did it, and she's here to talk to us a little bit about her journey and experience and talking about money and some of the things we think about it or how we think about it, what we think about it, and maybe some, some tweaks she might suggest for us.

So, Colleen, thank you so much for being here. Such a pleasure. Such a pleasure. Yeah, yeah. Love it. Colleen. You know, just to kind of give some context. Do you want to start with telling us a little bit about your story? I know that I found that so compelling because when you meet Colleen, she always has the best jewelry.

And it's always, like, super sharp. And I was admiring her style the whole time. Oh, you're so one of these ladies I want to be when I grow up. And, um, you know, whenever I learned that you started as a single mom and hearing you tell that story, it was like, whoa, okay, so maybe something like that could be possible for me.

So could you tell us a little bit about your origin story and how, you know, if we could reverse time, find you on the in the middle of or on the heels of a divorce and starting over? Yeah. Oh, you're so sweet. I'm gonna just have you in my hip pocket all the time to say such wonderful things. Um, yeah. And that's one of the things I want to get to is some of the things that I learned through all of this is, um, so to start off with, uh, Hannah knows, um, I come from a family, a big family, and my mind, my mom had such an abundance mindset.

I mean, there was always room for somebody else at the table. There was always room for some other kid on vacation, which we took once a year in our station wagon. No seatbelts. That was the time then. Um. and I. I just never thought about anything but that. We were good until my dad died. My dad died when I was 16, and I found out we had $187 in the bank.

So, um, that abundance mindset was, was there and also

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not necessarily real. So hard. Very hard. Um, it meant college wasn't planned for. It meant there really wasn't a plan. There wasn't emergency fund. There wasn't all those things that we think about to have for our foundation, which I think is really important. And

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lots of struggle, lots of struggle after that, lots of struggle before, because he had been sick for about three years and then lots and lots of struggle after. Um, So.

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So I started with that. And so I really went into a scarcity mindset. And you know, we were talking earlier about how mindset really impacts us. And also

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not only scarcity mindset for me, but like I didn't want to know about it. Anybody else feel that way? Like, oh, I'm not. If I really can't handle it, I really I think you had said earlier about women having harder stories. I think they have harder stories with money because many are told. That's just not for you to deal with.

But I think part of us having agency is, yes, you know, we we can and we do deal with it. But I think I went into those next years of my life and into my marriage, my first marriage when I was 26, thinking, you know, they'll just he'll just handle it. And, you know, I can be a stay at home mom. And I never asked and looked at financials.

I had a job, um, and I had a little child who turned out to be sick a lot the first year, and it turned out that I married someone, that it was all lies. Everything that I knew were lies. Um, and it was one of those divorces. Like, you need to leave when the papers are served to make sure you're safe. We were in hiding.

Um, he had a specialty in mental torture, so it was just a lot. And, um, we had this conversation. One of my big conversations about divorce was. How can I feel so sad when this is such a horrible thing? But it was the loss of the dream, right? The grief, the grief that came along with that divorce was really a grief about the loss of a dream.

That dream that I would have never gotten married. And then here I brought this little baby into the middle of this craziness and actually court ordered. My son hadn't seen his father since he was three, so it was all on me. Um, the court gave me $50,000 of credit card debt because I was the one that had the job.

You know, just all kinds of stuff. Um, so I started out

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really having to find my own strength, which I think women are so incredibly powerful. Hannah, you and I had this conversation so powerful, we just forget to put on our own oxygen mask first. And I think that's such a lesson for all of us is what is it that we need to do? Is it exercise? Is it learning about the financials?

Is it Sleep, is it? Um. Being around friends. I mean, I think that's one thing women do really well, um, in divorce is build this network around them. Um, so I think that's just such an important thing to know. And to know the financials is is key is really key. And having a really wonderful attorney who unfortunately mine was not who kind of took advantage of me and died in the middle of the process.

It was like how many things would go wrong in this situation because that so you're getting divorced, your attorney dies in the middle of it. And had you you hadn't started your firm yet at that point? No, I did in the I did when my son was three. So it was right in the middle of all the divorce and everything, because I was trying to find a business where I could be flexible.

I knew that I was going to be a single parent. I knew that it would be really hard for me to have an 8 to 5 job. You know, um, Edison had been sick a lot. So it was someone said, hey, Colleen, you're good at math. This thing called financial planning is real flexible. You know, I studied for my CFP while my kid was playing in the balls at Chucky Cheese or McDonald's.

Right. So it is finding either a business or working with someone like y'all that know the flexibility that mothers need. Except especially a woman going through a divorce. Okay. And so you started that, um, do you can you take yourself back to that moment, like, how did you feel? Because you've got this crazy divorce situation going on and you're starting a business at the same time.

I mean, that seems like a kind of a scary, ballsy thing to do. Yes, it probably was. I probably was so sleep deprived. I didn't really think it through. The biggest thing I was thinking through was how. How much flexibility can I. Can I weave into my life? And that was the way that I felt like I could do it, that I could go read at the library when he was in second grade.

But once I put him down to sleep, then I could work, right, so I could. I could. You know the thing about balance, the word balance means to move in a swinging and swaying motion. And if that's not any of us going through a divorce or any of us afterwards trying to manage being a parent, you know it is with all of us.

Yeah. I always say, you know, people talk about balance and

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I find that usually something's always losing me. The kids, my husband, work, fitness, health like. And I think this way is important. Yeah. To learn about balance does not mean equilibrium or equality or something like that, right? There's give and take and it sounds like that's a big reason why you went into financial planning.

And I think for a lot of women going through divorce, it is a time of some sort of a professional change because they need more flexibility if they're going to have the kids all the time on their own, or they need to make more money or need to make money at all, maybe they've been a stay at home parent or something.

So how if you remember, like how did you navigate the the change in your identity and in yourself as you are going from, like from where you were to this business owner and divorced person, single mom, no longer married, Do you remember the identity? Sort of ebb and flow goofiness there, wasn't she? That's a good word.

Gucci? Yeah. I don't, you know. I think, Hannah, what you said. You know, there's us there's, you know, our kids, there's the business, there's relationships there. And balance means at any one time. Um, it's fair, but not equal. And for me, at that point, I just have to let go of the relationship side. I couldn't even think about having any.

When I got into strategic coaching myself, somebody said, you know, what was your goal? And I said, my goal is just to have time to date. I don't necessarily want to date, I just want to have time to date. Um, and that was probably, you know, ten years after my divorce. And, you know, it takes a long time to build a business, and there's a lot behind it.

Now, I probably would say go find a really good person to work with and learn on them. If for anybody who wanted to be a financial advisor or I would say a lawyer. Um, go find a really good firm to work with, like yours and, and and learn on them and decide whether or not you want to go off on your own. Spend. Give them five years of your time or ten years of your time and have that stability.

What I didn't have was stability, and that was really hard. Yeah, that's I mean, just a friend or somebody listening came to me and was like, hey, I think I'm a single mom now. I need to make all the income. I'm going to go be a new financial planner. I'd be like, no, you're not. Let's go get you to a job. Job where you can have fits and, you know, pay time off and all of that.

You know, the stuff that I know doesn't often come with those, um, those things, you know, calling you mentioned growing up the money story of this sort of like abundance. That perhaps was a bit fanciful, thinking that wasn't rooted in reality, that flipped on its head too. There's a big family, and there isn't the dad making the money anymore, and I'm sure it's 16.

It was very much like, okay, Coleen, you're gonna have to figure the rest of it out, right? Like, you think you carried that story of this, like, professed abundance, but reality feels a bit more scarce. Did you query that forward into her first marriage? And, you know, and relatedly, is that something that you had to then work on either during that marriage or maybe in the aftermath?

Yeah, I think that in that first marriage, I carried some of that, um, you know, abundance, even though there was scarcity, I carried some of that. We don't talk about it conversation. Um, and I just busted that up. You know, when I got the $50,000 of I. I let my friends know. I let them know what plan I was working on.

I you know, I had no problem talking credit card debt. Like that's when you sort of busted open the keeping money behind closed doors, right? Because it was all his debt, right? It was all his debt. And yet I got it because I had the job. And so,

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you know, now, I mean, into my second marriage and the marriage that I'm in now, uh, money was on the table, you know, after the first year. I mean, there was nothing that was going to be hidden. There was nothing that that I, um, wanted to not share. And also that he didn't share. Right. So that we came into it with a knowledge and probably I probably keep more money in cash than most business owners because of that, that scarcity piece a little bit because I have such an abundance mentality now.

Um, but I it has to be real. It has to be real, right? Like, I don't really like fake diamonds.

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And and they're really fine. They're really fine, right? Yeah. You know, one of the things we've been talking about this season on the show is that a lot of women get into their marriages, um, and, and choose their circumstances from what I call pick me energy. Um, not as much from, oh, hey, I'm deserving of love.

I'm worthy of love. I want to be loved in this way. This is what makes me feel loved, etc. but instead, from. They want to be chosen, they want to be picked. And then what happens is they find themselves in the middle of a relationship and are like, oh, I now that am here I am in the middle of it. It's this identity crisis and I think personal Crisis of figuring out like, hey, what does it look like?

I don't want to be loved in this way. And they go through this worthiness thing. And we've talked about how if you don't get a handle on that in your first marriage or in your divorce, it's definitely going to come up from here on out until you kind of get that squared. And and one of the things I was thinking about when I was thinking about today is the relationship we also have with money, right?

Like love and money. I mean, that's the, the, the things in life that people talk about, right? And, and are striving for in one way or the other. It seems like that's the ultimate goal of a lot of people is either some more money or some more love. And yeah. Do you think there's any connection or correlation to that worthiness idea?

Well, you know, we've talked about it more so and like worthy of love and treatment. But what about in in your work and working, particularly with women, do you see a worthiness money story or issue come up in, in them even allowing themselves to become financially solvent or independent or even, you know, God forbid, successful.

Yeah. You see. Yeah, I think in the sense of the love and money story, I think there are a lot of women and I'm a CFP and I've worked with a lot of individual women, divorced, widowed, individual by choice. Um, and I've worked with couples as well. But somehow I had a lot of women. And it is, um, it's a conversation a about.

Oh, I'm not good at math. Well, you know what? You don't have to be that good at math to understand your financials, right? You have to be willing to be in the middle of what may be an uncomfortable conversation, like somebody's coming in if they do have credit card debt or they do have, um, student loans or they do have, um, I had a widow that had $5 million in her savings account.

Her husband had died five years ago, and it stayed there because she was just afraid. Right. Her husband had always handled the money. So there's always a give and take in relationships. And so there's usually somebody that's paying the bills. But if both people aren't at the financial planning office, both doing the work together, then somebody has more power.

And I think women give up their power with money easier. Does that make sense? Yeah. Why do you think that is? I think it's just generational. I think it's just generational. And I think it's just it is just an old story. Um, that

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Doesn't work anymore. It just doesn't. I mean, I mean, it wasn't that long ago, right? That we couldn't even have credit cards or 50 years

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without our husband signing off. So I think it's the era of shedding that old story and shedding that old. Why? I mean, I know for me, you know, growing up, I think my money's terrified to say it would be that, um, we would always, ever have just enough. Like it were just just enough to make it work. Not extra.

Not some big bunch of savings or $5 million in the bank. Holy cow. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Like, I would have never considered that as a choice. Um, for me, I mean, maybe for some other rich people, but not for me. Right. And it was. Yeah. That there would only ever be enough. And the thing is, I think that just like with the the love story, the your story about love and treatment and relationships, money, I think in some ways even more persistent, um, is this idea that it perpetuates.

Yes. And that idea of I'm only ever going to have enough mint. I was only ever going to have enough, right? Until I started to change my relationship with money and my story about money. And it wasn't until really recently that I think I'm probably the first woman in my line who didn't need a man's money to exist.

I mean, look, all the women in my in my line would have made it. Yeah, I figured it. Yes, in their chosen life circumstances. Um, it was both. And I, I

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got to that point and I realized, like, oh, I am never going to have to make a decision again in my life because of access to a man's money or stay. And that's one of my just dreams in life, is that women don't make financial decisions, uh, based or like, life decisions. Life decisions. Yeah. All right. Reason for staying in bad marriage or being treated the way they shouldn't be treated because they don't have the money.

And so I think part of that to your point, there's the like ostrich method of like sticking your head in the sand and like also putting ourselves off the hook because I think we're responsible for this at this point. Yes. 50 years ago they couldn't get but we have had the internet, we have had Oprah's internet for a long time.

And, uh, Beyonce is the internet, so they can share them. But we now we know better. So we have the opportunity to do better. Um, and I think the first step is to learn about it and to show up to those meetings work, you know, and maybe not everybody who's listening is necessarily going to have a meeting, but you can look on.

You can talk to Claude, or

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you can watch every kind of video all over the internet and make it your business. But if you're in a situation where you are going to meet with some sort of a professional person showing up like and asking the questions and having a relationship with someone you feel comfortable enough to say, whoa, whoa, whoa, what's a that?

I don't know what that is like. What do you mean? You know, in slowing the conversation down and catching a bit back up, because I think a lot of women, the first time they ever have any conversations about money is at the divorce. Mhm. And I will tell them to get a bunch of paperwork and all this stuff together.

Like I don't know he has all of that. I don't have logins to anything. I don't have tax returns. And then we dig. And Raj you're just a card holder on the account. Not like a member of the credit card. So he could cut you off anytime he wants to because you just happen to have a card. And like, I think a lot of us ostrich or, like, acquiesce our way into, like, the financial dark.

And I think that's one thing I would want anybody listening to this to hear is like, the first step is just getting out of the dark. Good, bad or indifferent, it's still a fact. We can just. Yeah, it's just it. You just are where you are. That's it. It just keeps it there. Assets, whatever. The things are getting that out there.

And then like, okay, it may feel scary at first, but like you've been afraid in the past and didn't die, right? So, like, you're going to get confidence. That's how you're going to get courage is by taking a look at what that is. And look, one of the the good, the good or bad parts about divorce is this is often where people switch around this story, if nothing else, by necessity, because you have to talk about it,

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right? You have to plan for it when you're going to be running your own household and not relying on somebody else to do it. You know, which makes me to a thought calling when you're we're thinking about women, you know, in the mindset they bring, especially in the divorce process about money. And when it comes time for mediation, um, there are a couple schools of thought that I see show up.

One of those is like, I'm going to get every single thing that I'm entitled to or else. And like there's also maybe a vengeance component of like a who did this thing. So I'm gonna make him pay. And the way that's going to pay is through his pocket book. Yeah. Um, and I think, you know, those kinds of schools of thought or some or the other one, I guess would be like, I don't care, just give him everything.

I just want this over. Yeah. This idea of get me out. So, like, is there advice you have for women sitting at the negotiating table in their divorce, whether it be at a mediation or just informally in conversations with their about to be ex-husband like, or spouse? Um, do you have advice for them in what sort of money mindset they would bring or could bring need to bring to those conversations?

Yeah, a couple of things. And I'm just like pinging. There's so many different things. Number one, um, our energy is still our energy. It's our responsibility. So if we're in the vengeance mode, that's a scarcity mode. And that's a mindset, right? That that is definitely a mindset. And, you know, interesting.

One thing that I really tried to do was stay very present. I was in a horrible situation. I'm not saying it was just bad. Um, and I think total maybe I got $800 of child support. Maybe.

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But. And there were so little that was required. Um, but interestingly, when my son went to college, the his award for his scholarship, his academic scholarship was equal to the amount that was owed if child support. Um, I think the universe comes back to us when we, um, when we stay true to our values. So, Colleen, you were telling us about the mindsets that people take into divorce.

Some come for vengeance, some come from, I'm going to get every single thing I'm entitled to. Yeah. And others come with this idea of like, I don't care, I just want it over. I just want it to stop. So is there anything you would tell women sitting down at the negotiating table, sitting down at their mediation, or even in just the kitchen table talking to their spouse?

Like the mindset to take into that process for me, because I know that when we go in with vengeance or we go in, it's just about me. And it's not about the whole thing. I mean, there is such thing as karma, I believe, um, for my own divorce, it it was, you know, I didn't get anything but what was supposed to have been given what they had said.

My son got a scholarship for that exact amount for college based upon academic. So I do believe it comes back, you know, at some point in time, we don't necessarily know how. For me,

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knowing what I know now, if I could build a team of people around me who could talk me through it like the pros and cons about why you do want some of the 401 K, or you don't want some of the 401k. The pros and cons of why the house or not the house? The pros and cons of the investment account. You know because of how it is divided.

And do you have a good advisor that knows. So having somebody like you, a financial advisor, reading as much as you can if you don't have one. You know, there are a lot of good books written by women on financial advising. There is also a degree, um, that financial advisors can have that are that solely on divorce.

So the numbers matter. The numbers really matter. Um, it being fair, it's not it's not like divide everything in two because that doesn't necessarily work. And you know that more than anything. Right. Yeah. Well, and I think that at the divorce, you know, the money mindset taking into that, and it was in some of your stuff calling, I was looking at, it's like financial planning and figuring out money stuff, y'all.

Yeah. You can get what you're entitled to. And I think that's important. But I always ask myself in life the question, do I want to be right or do I want to be happy? And you may be right that you're entitled to XYZ in this divorce. But really, financial planning, as I understand it, is about developing and creating the life you want to live.

It's not the spreadsheets, it's not just the money. I mean, those are all just representations of the access to opportunities and resources that you have. So going for me, the advice would be when you're going into that part of the divorce is to be informed. Yeah. I think working with a great team lawyer, financial person, accountant, like whatever you can, depending on your level and where you are in your finances at this moment And and going in with your eyes wide open and facing the truth and then thinking, okay, where am I trying to get to?

Like one of the principles in the my confident divorce course for getting prepared for divorce is like starting with the end in mind. And hopefully you've done that work. You've thought through what do I want my life to look like after this divorce? What do I want to experience? Where do I want to live? And trying to bring that forward into the divorce conversation?

And yeah, sure, maybe it gets some more of the 401, but are you able to get maybe some more in spousal support that enables you to have a little bit more income month over month when you can kind of worry about the retirement later? So it's like a little bit of give and take and having an open mind to think through.

Okay, what do I need to do to live the life that I want in the future? And, and I think a lot of times people use it as an opportunity to say like, win or lose, and divorce lawyers will be the first to tell you nobody wins or loses in a divorce. Everybody's losing in one way or the other. Um, but having that perspective, listening to the professionals around you, I think is good, good advice.

I think, um, Hannah, in the sense of listening to the professionals and hopefully that you have a partnership that you feel like you're in partnership with those professionals. Because we all know divorce is emotional. Money's emotional. And to be able to say, okay, I know I'm angry or

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I know I don't think I understand about money, I need to put this aside and I need to make a rational decision here. Right. The emotion sometimes need to stay outside the room when you're doing that negotiation, and you would know that much better than I do. But sometimes we, um, in the middle of a charged situation, we allow those emotions to get the best of us.

And if we are, can breathe deep. That's why I always just, you know, that old count to ten really did make sense. Let's breathe deep. And so, as you said, where is it that we really want to get to? And is this helping us get there or is this hurting us? Get there. And does this help me or does it hurt me? And those whole things about putting your oxygen mask on first, make sure you exercise.

Make sure, I mean, even if it's ten minutes or standing at your desk or whatever it is, taking time for yourself. Sleep is really hard during that period of time, making sure you get some sleep and having that partnership of professionals and also friends around you, I think makes a huge difference. Yeah, and for women who are just getting through the divorce process.

So she's newly divorced, what is the first thing that she should do after the divorce is done? Like in okay, she's now in charge of her financial future. What's the first thing she needs to be doing? First thing I'd say again is take a deep breath. And and like I said, there are several good, great books that are written by women about financial things.

So find out those. But find out. Get someone who really knows their stuff. I know a lot of us are going on AI, that it's not necessarily the best in the sense of questions right now. It'll get better, but get some. Take a deep breath. Make sure you have the knowledge. And I always start with cash flow, right?

How much am I spending? Right. Keeping track for a month of where everything goes. I will tell you, 90% of the people coming into the office do not know where the money goes. Right? So,

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you know, all of a sudden some one of the kids comes and says, can I be in band? Sure, you can be in band. That's a great thing for you to be in. And all of a sudden you don't realize that that was $500 for them to be in band because you had to do the instrument. You got into this and you got to do that, right? Um, so it is paying attention to cash flow.

I would because anybody that you work with is going to want to know or is or if you're working with yourself, what are my expenses? So then I need to know what do I need to bring in to meet those expenses? Yeah. So just first things first, if you're newly divorced, uh, with your financial regard to your financial health is to get a real sense of where is my money going?

Sort of an in and out. Right? It's coming in. I mean, that's probably relatively clear, but sometimes maybe it's not, depending on how you make your income and what's going out, because I think that that's where you have to start with any kind of financial, um, progress. They're going to want to know how much money are you spending, how much money are you making, where are there's some opportunities.

And right then it's in business. We call it bloat, right? You may have some expenses that could get cut, um, relatively easily. So I think that's good advice. Um, because it may feel like the last thing you want to do with your lawyers have been making you do all this paperwork. You've been dealing with spreadsheets and mediation.

It's like, oh, my God, I never want to look at a spreadsheet again. Especially if that's not your jam. But I think that's the start, because y'all,

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so many of us get into these sticky pickles or whatever because we gave up our power when it concerns our money. And I just don't think that we should, should or have to at least be doing that anymore. And what are we going to teach our kids about that? And so it starts a little tiny bit at a time. I was actually at a talk this week with lawyers, um, women lawyers, this group I helped lead called Women Wellness and the law.

And we were talking about the financial part. And these are lawyers with JDS who are supposed to be so super smart and everything else. And like, there were a lot of people in that room who we were all like, ooh, what exactly is a stock? It seems a little late for me to be asking right now, and I think that you can intimidate yourself out of doing this because you're like, not, um, not even start because you don't know what bonds are.

Who gives a who gives a hoot what a bond is? I do not care. I don't care what a bond is. But there's some little things that you can do practically that are pretty low hanging fruit that everybody will tell you is like, is there a 401 at your work? Figure out what you got to do to put your money in that. Get yourself a budget together so you know what's coming in and coming out.

Yep. Yeah. Start putting a couple dollars away, $20 a pay period. Um, not go to Starbucks for everybody on a Saturday and make your coffee at home and put that 20 bucks and even just a high yield savings account, get a little bit of cash and start to see a little bit of money growing. So there are some practical things I think you can do and you can see this ladies as an opportunity.

Whereas before a lot of us were in situations where he controlled the money, you felt powerless about it. You felt like you were always in trouble from him about your spending and everything else. You're not going to have that anymore. And that's both good and bad. Like you're not going to handle it anymore.

So being in charge of it your own self, if you want to buy that cool new jacket. Awesome. Now keep in mind if your budget super tight, that could create a struggle and you may have to do some extra time at work over the next few weeks. So it's like, yeah, you know, giving some ebb and flow and taking back that that agency and that sovereignty and that power and getting used to it in little bits, like with understanding your cash flow.

Yeah. Like with okay. No, go ahead. That I think you just said the word agency I think.

01:38:03.040 — 01:38:15.309

Women especially, we take our emotions out on food and money. It we just that just tends to be us, right. And when we can

01:38:16.750 — 01:39:12.790

look at it, we have the cash flow done. That's why that's such an important thing. And say I have agency over this choice. Um, do I buy that jacket or do I take a deep breath and wait three months until it's on sale? Right. It's learning new habits. I think that is a big thing with money is learning new habits.

There's a lot of people who have the habit of, you know, I'm going to I want to look the best and spend the money on that. And then they don't tell how much money they've spent on it because they're ashamed of it. They might buy that jacket and then feel shame for the next three months instead of, okay, it's something that I want.

I'm going to put money away for it until I can buy it, until I can purchase it. That's agency. Right? And that's usually a new habit around money.

01:39:13.910 — 01:47:51.480

Yeah, absolutely. Well, and and Colleen, um, you, you know, not too long ago, I guess, even had, uh, sold your big business that you built up this financial planning firm and started a new group, C and J innovations. And one of the things I thought was interesting was your eight, like, success mindset principles.

Do you know what I'm talking about? That helping other planners like, talk to people about money and how to plan about that. Are there any of those success principles and success mindsets that you think are relevant, particularly for women going through divorce that we need to be thinking about? Well, first off, let me make this offer to anybody that's listening.

One of the things if you go to to the passport package.com, Um. Um, you can take one of our assessments. There's one that's 45 and under and one over age 45. You can take one. It's all on the mindsets, but we give you action items. So it could be one of the places when you say, how do we get to know what to do next.

They give you we give you action items. And if you just put in the email, you know, Hannah or. Yeah in your it says name, just put your name and then put Dash Hannah or whatever you want them to say Hannah. So we know that we're who they are. We'll do that for you. Please use it. Financial advisors are using our assessments in their practices regularly with prospects and clients to find out really what's most important to them, and this could really help your listeners decide for themselves.

So a couple of the mindsets that I think are important readiness, that is, do we have an emergency fund when the proverbial shit hits the fan. Sorry. Pardon my friend. She could. You could wipe that out, but it's very fine. We sell tires on here. I don't care if you're a single parent or divorced. Marry the shit it does.

It always does. That's the only prediction. Just like the market. It only goes up and it only goes down. That's all it's ever done. So if anybody says they know what it's going to do, they don't. It goes up, it goes down. That's all it's ever done. So having that emergency fund so that if something does happen, if you need to change a job, if you need to stay out of work to take care of us, a kid that's so important.

That's the readiness mindset. And then the other one that is really critical, especially in the divorce situation, is the caring mindset. Does somebody know where your estate documents are, your wills and trusts if something happened to you? But more importantly, you have any if you have any. Yeah.

Let's talk. Yeah that's really important. More and also as important as does somebody else know where your passwords are in all this age of everything electronic? We've had people go into the hospital in a coma. We've had partners, we've had individuals that nobody knows where their passwords are. So nobody can help them.

Nobody can do those things that need to be done. And so especially after a divorce. And Hannah, you sure you do? This is making sure you have powers of healthcare and, you know, powers of attorney so that if something happens because sometimes it does. So I think the readiness mindset and the caring mindset making sure the passwords and then the final one that I really love is partnership that you feel in partnership with any of those professionals in your lives, whether they be your financial advisor or your attorney.

Um, women Collaborate really well. They're really good at that. So being in that partnership, being in that collaboration I think is very important. Oh, wonderful. Well, thank you so much, Colleen. I think that we've given everybody a lot to think about. You know, when it comes to to money, it's going to come up for moms.

It's half of the divorce or better. You know, I mean, for people without kids, right. That's really what it all boils down to is money and stuff and and going on in your way. And everybody brings such a robust, um, history and present, uh, with their relationship with money. So I appreciate you sharing that with us now.

Um, we ask our guests on the show all the same questions. So we want to figure out what you're thinking here. So, um, the, the title of the show is not saving It for later. And we found that a lot of times that brings up some sort of a thought or a oh, honey glint, as I call it, where there's not saving it for later.

Um, in your life did. Does the name of the show does that evoke invoke anything in you? Evoke that in you calling? No, actually, I love it because right now I'm working on a talk that's called Living Your Legacy. Because every day, every interaction, every impact. And, Hannah, you're so amazing at this.

You walk in the room and the room lights up. You are living your legacy. You live your impact, right? It is. It is so important. So not saving it for later, I think is a great one because it is. When you have agency, that doesn't mean you don't save. It means you live your legacy. It's what I think. That's one of the things that's like not saving when we save some money for later.

I mean, it's not that you. Yeah are. It's about the the energy, I think. And it comes down to ultimately an abundance or a scarcity mindset. Like, does it feel like everything's running out or there's always going to be more. Yeah. And you know, for anybody listening and that's one of the I don't know how much we've spelled that out, but like the abundance mindset versus scarcity mindset, I definitely lived most of my life in scarcity.

It's only ever going to be just enough. If I run out, my seat might get taken at the movies. Um, you can get Hembree going real quick if it's time to get to the movies and make sure we get a good seat. Um, 100%. That's how I always thought. And so what? That the result of that for me was work hard. Um, take care of your business.

Be responsible. A lot of the things that have made me successful as a person in life, you know, that's the start of it. But that for me, only took me so far. And then it kind of came to the edge of like, hey, I'd like to do a little better financially and otherwise than just making do right. I'd like to have more.

You know, last season, Casey told us that I want more as a complete sentence. Um, yes. I want is it complete? I want, yeah. And and having some more room so that that shift. Um. to me is really at the core of not saving it for the abundant. There'll be a lot more laters and a lot more opportunities. I can use the good spoon, I can wear the good dress.

I can spend money on something enjoyable. Now I can choose to just enjoy this present moment, because there will always be more. And I think ultimately not saving it for later is about having an abundance mindset and about believing in yourself, trusting in yourself, trusting in the good of the universe that there is more good to come and that generally speaking, it's a good place we live.

Um, and that there'll be more. So yeah. And I think, I think for your listeners, you and I are living that. Right? You and I have been through the fire. And I always say, you know, if I can do it, anybody can, right? I think that it's a mindset shift makes a huge difference. Yeah. And that's the thing both Colleen and myself have both been single moms I'm starting.

You know, I was in law school, so it's not quite the same thing, but, I mean, I left my marriage and law school with so much debt. You know, I got out of law school at the time, was done cause I had my MBA and used some of the loans for expenses and things like that. $200,000 in debt, like a doctor. Um, so it's like, yeah, I was in law school, but I mean, I'm still paying on that.

It's now I do it strategically because I'm not going to, you know, pay something or whatever. Um, okay, then. Is there any dominant thought that you've been having? So, um, I found that a lot of us have one kind of thing perpetually on our mind that loop for, you know, a few days, a few hours, a few weeks. Is there anything that's been sort of in the forefront of your thoughts lately?

Um, my forefront has mostly been about agency and how really bad example. But I was like on the reels on my phone and I was like,

01:47:52.560 — 01:49:02.360

is this you know what I. What I do today impacts tomorrow. It impacts my tomorrow. Is this impacting it in a good way or a not so good way? Not that I know we don't need it sometimes, but, um, I've really been thinking a lot about agency. And what what do I feast on for food, for podcasts, for, um, work that I'm doing, for people that I'm around.

Right. Where am I feasting and how is that impacting? And I've I'm just kind of loving that. I'm just kind of loving looking at that. Yeah. Oh, I love that idea of like, yeah, we're where our attention goes, the treasure flows or there's some waters last night. Yeah. Um. And so where do you. And it's the scroll that'll get you.

Yeah. Joe turns into 500 before, you know, you're like, oh, my God, I've wasted however much time I need to go to bed. I didn't even know about those for a long time. I wish I had a Her look out video. Uh, okay. Last question. Colleen, if you could tell the women of divorced land only one thing and leave them with one thought, what's something you would want to tell them?

01:49:04.280 — 01:50:46.470

You are a gift. Oh, I feel that. Let that one settle in for everybody. Just a second. Yeah. You are a gift. And you know this. This life is a gift. I was thinking because I just had a couple. Just, like a frustrating 24 hours. Nothing in particular. Just fill in the a bit more, a bit malaise, maybe the word or just a bit grumpy.

Um, and then I was talking with a friend this morning and just kind of sharing some stuff that had happened, and I just, I always feel better when I just say it, just get it out. I needed to, like, let the words out of me to release it or something. And I was thinking of that quote, and I was thanking her for listening and just like, and I think to myself, what a wonderful world.

Like when you said that you're a gift, like there is that, um, That piece to it. And y'all, for anybody in the middle of a divorce and the money stuff is so much and it can feel overwhelming or you're intimidated. Um, you know, I think you really can see this moment as an opportunity and as a gift, a gift for you to have a different story, a gift for you to change the conclusion.

It doesn't have to go the same way it went for your mama. It doesn't have to go the same way I went for her mama, or for your sister or for anybody else. You get to decide. And that's the agency that Colleen was telling us about, is when it comes to your divorce, it really can't give you the gift of a whole new start with your relationship with money.

A lot of women I know, but got their wealth and established their financial independence on the other side of divorce. So may that be you, honey Bunny. If you're listening to this, if Colleen and I can do it, you can do it. Okay. Thank you. Colleen, thank you so much for being on today. It was such a pleasure.

Such a pleasure. Thank you.